Doris Bersing, PhD
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Category: General

Estate Planning for the Living, Not Only for the Dead.

Many people believe that having an estate plan simply means drafting a will or a trust. However, there is much more to include in your estate planning to make certain all of your assets are transferred seamlessly to your heirs upon your death. A successful estate plan also includes provisions allowing your family members to access or control your assets should you become unable to do so yourself. I learned from a great estate planning Attorney, Elizabeth Krivatsy, Esq. that a will or testament works well when you are dead but does not do anything to make decisions or solve situations about your care while still alive, dealing with children, and sometimes complicated family dynamics, diversified assets, and more.  Counsel Krivatsy said: When approaching estate planning, she says:”…The most important part of my work is advance health care planning – helping my clients clearly express their wishes for end-of-life care so that their loved ones are fully informed and authorized to act for them under difficult and highly emotional conditions…” Yes, indeed, there is the health aspect of the planning and of course the financial, as well.

When it comes to the financial aspect of estate planning, there are myths and misconceptions, one of them being that estate planning is only for the ultra-wealthy. The truth is far from that. Estate planning is the process of deciding what happens to your money (any amount), belongings, property, and other assets after you die. It can also appoint someone to make critical health care and financial decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. Creating a will is the most important part of estate planning, but other documents are also involved (Financial power of attorney, limited estate taxes, name beneficiaries to inherit assets, setting up funeral arrangements, etc).

Another important piece of the planning for a better living is retirement planning. Retirement planning involves setting goals for your retirement income, then creating a strategy and taking concrete steps to achieve them. It requires you to identify your sources of income, set up a savings plan, estimate your expenses during retirement, and plan for unforeseen events. Simple to digest there is this guide, edited by the RetireGuide people, emphasizing the importance to plan ahead and make your wishes to age, to be cared for, clear, and executable. Click here to read the guide.

Last but not least, as stated on Investopedia:

  • “Estate planning is not only for the wealthy—everybody can benefit from ensuring their assets and finances are properly taken care of after their death…”
  • Estate planning also involves giving permission to family members or an attorney to carry out your wishes if you become incapacitated while still alive ( a very important matter when caring for aging spouses or parents, especially on same-sex couples who have not attained yet legal status and institutions will not recognize their right to decide for their partners). Food for thought!
This entry was posted in Aging, Empowering elders, Estate Planning, Financial Issues on Aging, General on December 12th, 2019.
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Time to Continue the Fight

Screen Shot 2016-11-09 at 2.03.02 PMWe know last night didn’t go as many of us planned. We’re upset.We’re disappointed. And we’re heartbroken. But we aren’t giving up. We’re going to keep fighting. President Obama reminded us this morning that the most important thing we can do is move forward. He told us that “we brush ourselves off, we get back in the arena, we go at it.”Kate Kendall from the National Commission For Lesbian Rights said: “… By a slim margin, this nation has elected a demagogue who trafficked in bigotry, stoked racist hatred and normalized misogyny. The election of Donald Trump as President threatens basic principles of human dignity and justice… Many of our most cherished values—inclusion, honoring difference, embracing equality, dismantling oppressive systems—are in jeopardy, but we will not be deterred.

Kendell continues stressing that “…This is the moment we are called to resist. We are about to be tested as never before, and speaking for myself, and NCLR, we will not stand down, sit idle or be silent in the face of oppression, bullying or threat…”  Read More

This entry was posted in General, LGBT Rights on November 9th, 2016.
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Depression Hurts and Robs You of Your Life

Copyright by Piotr Marcinski

Copyright by Piotr Marcinski

We have written about people dying of depression, which can be an ultimate fact for those who shut down and decided to go on a suicidal path, for those, that is the end. However for others, who go with untreated depression, death perhaps is not an option but a less than pleasant and meaningful life is. Having the blues or being sad after an important loss in your life, it is not depression but a normal and healthy response to events in life but when the blues become more purple than blue (so-to-speak), we are perhaps looking at a different situation.

Many myths regarding depression revolve around being stronger, like getting a grip on the particular situation one faces, or working harder to “get it out of your head…”or believing the prolonged sadness is just normal and not perhaps an illness; even thinking it is only one’s self-pity instead of a treatable condition add insult to an already deep and painful injury.

Sometimes, we are worry that treating the depression will mean being labeled as a mental patient, being on drugs forever, and seeing a therapist several times per week. Despite what the best seller “Prozac Nation” depicts (although some passages are right) about medication is only one of the tools used to lift depression. And looking for help does not mean you will be on psychotropic drugs forever. In fact, studies suggest that psychotherapy in any of its modalities (talking therapy, drama therapy, expressive arts, cognitive behavioral, deep brief oriented or others) work as well as prescription drugs to treat depression. Moreover, even if you are prescribed some drugs, chances are that it will not be a lifetime solution.

Feeling sad, hopeless, and helpless, is true, does not help to lift the by now purple instead of blues but do not fool yourself, the hopelessness is part of the illness, not a part of daily life and for sure not an unchangeable reality. When treated, positive thinking gradually replaces negative thoughts. In fact, most people (up-to 70% as by the National Institute of Mental Health) who seek for help to deal with their depression become symptom-free by combining medication and psychotherapy.

The bottom line is that if you have been feeling down and/or sad for what it seems to be too long, you should seek for help. Trying to diagnose yourself or going through the list of symptoms after a goggle search can confirm your suspicion but can mislead you as well. A reliable source on how to seek for help can be found on the WebMD or Psychology Today.

Whatever you do, remember you do not need to lose your mojo, being purple all the time, or miss out on all the fun and meaning of your life.

This entry was posted in General, Mental Illness, Psicoterapia, Psychotherapy on September 9th, 2014.
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Anxiety and Mindfulness

Copyright : nejron

These days, we all are under steady pressure, stress, and with constant stimuli, anxiety really has gone “viral”. Anxiety can cause physical symptoms like a fast heartbeat and sweaty hands. It can make us limit our activities and can make it hard to enjoy our life and have meaningful and close personal relationships.

Anxiety is having too much fear and worry. Some people have what’s called generalized anxiety disorder. They feel worried and stressed about many things. Often they worry about even small things and it is s much more than being very nervous or edgy. An anxious person will report an unreasonable exaggeration of threats, repetitive negative thinking, hyper-arousal, and a strong identification with fear. The fight-or-flight response kicks into overdrive.

Although Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is widely used to treat anxiety and anxiety disorders by changing our thoughts and cognitive patterns, many specialists have found that healthy thinking and mindfulness can help us prevent or control anxiety. CBT attempts to replace maladaptive thinking by examining the patient’s distorted thinking and resetting the fight-or-flight response with more reasonable, accurate ones. The anxious person and the therapist work to actively change thought patterns. In contrast, instead of changing thoughts, mindfulness-based therapies (MBTs) seek to change the relationship between the anxious person and his or her thoughts. (Read More)

In mindfulness-based therapy, the person focuses on the bodily sensations that arise when he or she is anxious. Instead of avoiding or withdrawing from these feelings, he or she remains present and fully experiences the symptoms of anxiety. Instead of avoiding distressing thoughts, he or she opens up to them in an effort to realize and acknowledge that they are not literally true. Mindfulness involves paying attention “on purpose” and involves a conscious direction of our awareness.  It seems that awareness and mindfulness go hand-to-hand but Wildmind differentiates them”…We sometimes … talk about “mindfulness” and “awareness” as if they were interchangeable terms, but that’s not a good habit to get into…one may be aware one is irritable, but that wouldn’t mean one was being mindful of my irritability. In order to be mindful one has to be purposefully aware of oneself, not just vaguely and habitually aware. Knowing that  one is eating is not the same as eating mindfully…”

Margaria Tartakovsky, M.S says about mindfulness practice “…Mindfulness is one effective practice that helps to relax the mind and body…” according to Jeffrey Brantley, M.D., and Wendy Millstine, NC, in their book Daily Meditations for Calming Your Anxious Mind, mindfulness is: … an awareness that is sensitive, open, kind, gentle and curious. Mindfulness is a basic human capacity. It arises from paying attention on purpose in a way that is non-judging, friendly and does not try to add or subtract anything from whatever is happening. Ms. Tartakovsky had summarized 3 practices to calm your anxiety from Brantley and Millstine’s book.

UCLA research center in mindfulness  defines mindfulness as “… paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be with what is. It is an excellent antidote to the stresses of modern times. It invites us to stop, breathe, observe, and connect with one’s inner experience …” The UCLA research center in mindfulness is full of resources and information, as well. (Visit them)

Use all this information and resources and start today and stop the worrying that interferes with your daily life, remember chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more positive perspective.  If needed talk to your physician or look for psychotherapy to help you out. Good luck and stay cool!

 

This entry was posted in General, Mental Illness, Psicoterapia, Psychotherapy on July 31st, 2014.
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Therapy for the Elderly

Copyright : Aaron Amat

Copyright : Aaron Amat

Many of us have the impression that old people are sad, depressed, and/or grumpy but it turns out not to be particularly accurate. Many older adults and seniors can lead a very happy life. However, what about those who had experienced multiple losses, heartaches, and little access to therapy?

Moreover, for many of the elders with whom I work, emotional distress is their own business, sometimes a source of shame, and for sure something not to share with “strangers” like the therapist.  Others think therapy is for young or younger people to what even Sigmund Freud noted that around age 50, “the elasticity of the mental process on which treatment depends is, as a rule, lacking,” adding, “Old people are no longer educable.” (Never mind that he continued working until he died at 83.) and as an article in The New York Times by states: “…In years past, too, there was a sense among medical professionals that a patient often could not be helped after a certain age unless he had received treatment earlier in life… ‘that’s been totally turned around by what we’ve learned about cognitive psychology and cognitive approach — changing the way you think about things, redirecting your emotions in more positive ways,” said Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist and professor of human development at Cornell, and author of “30 Lessons for Living.”

Treatment regimens can be difficult in this population. Antidepressants, for instance, can have unpleasant side effects and only add to the pile of pills many elderly patients take daily. Older patients may feel that they don’t have the time necessary to explore psychotherapy, or that it’s too late to change.

But many eagerly embrace talk therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral techniques that focus on altering thought patterns and behaviors affecting their quality of life now. Experts say that seniors generally have a higher satisfaction rate in therapy than younger people because they are usually more serious about it. Time is critical, and their goals usually are well defined. Read Ellin’s  article

This entry was posted in Elders mental Health and Wellness, General, Mental Illness, Psychotherapy on July 17th, 2014.
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Another Take on ADD: Trauma During Childhood

ADDAs a very good friend of mine, said when seeing this article:”…It’s about time!

People have had different takes on ADD from stating there is not a real mental illness to advocate for a cure through food and exercise. No matter what approach one takes the truth is that untreated ADD can devastate a person’s life and how helping them get on track quickly provides the biggest chance of success. Obviously there are many interventions but analyzing the cause can be a good start.

For instance, Dr. Nicole Brown’s quest to understand her misbehaving pediatric patients began with a hunch: Inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive behavior may mirror the effects of adversity, and many doctors don’t know how—or don’t have time—to tell the difference. Brown was completing her residency at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, when she realized that many of her low-income patients had been diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). These children lived in households and neighborhoods where violence and relentless stress prevailed. Their parents found them hard to manage and teachers described them as disruptive or inattentive. Brown knew these behaviors as classic symptoms of ADHD, a brain disorder characterized by impulsivity, hyperactivity, and an inability to focus.

When Brown looked closely, though, she saw something else: trauma. Hyper-vigilance and dissociation, for example, could be mistaken for inattention. Impulsivity might be brought on by a stress response in overdrive…” (Read More)

This entry was posted in ADD in Adulthood, General, Mental Illness, Trauma on July 9th, 2014.
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Time To Heal: What Psychotherapy to Use?

Psychotherpay: Finding Nemo!

Copyright Teerayut Yukuntapornpong

Many patients or clients often ask what is the difference between different approaches of psychotherapy and although much has been written about, there’s no simple answer. Just as people respond differently to different drugs, you might do better with one type of therapy than with another. Many people find that a blended approach — one that draws on elements of different schools of psychotherapy — suits them best. There are many forms of psychotherapy, but some of the most popular forms are psycho-dynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, humanistic, and couples therapy, which in reality can be based on any other theoretical approach but emphasizing systems oriented therapy.

Although embracing a particular approach of psychotherapy, as a clinician, has to do with your philosophical values and your concepts of health and human potential, knowledge of what can work better or not with your clients is needed. Remember it is not about what you want or like but what could be more efficient and meaningful to your clients.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you identify self-defeating thoughts and start to develop behaviors that are more constructive. And unlike, psycho-dynamic approaches you do not need to explore into issues of the past. CBT is about what happens in your mind, now and how it affects your behavior.

Psychodynamic therapy

In contrast to CBT, which focuses on conscious thoughts, psycho-dynamic therapy emphasizes feelings that are often beneath the surface yet still influence your behavior. The goal: to help you recognize how old, unresolved problems shape the way you operate today. The therapist will guide you to recognize the links between past and present so you can become more self-aware to avoid same patterns or connections. For a comparison between psycho-dynaminc and behavioral therapy click here The Huffingon Post gave it a try as well (Read more)  And my colleague Peter Strisik, Ph.D from Alaska did a more extensive job (Read his take on it). In my own practice, I called myself a humanistic-existential psychotherapist, practicing frequently the tenants of Gestalt Therapy. Of course, at this point, they seem confused and ready to run away from something so esoteric and unpractical. Yes indeed, perhaps the big difference is we do not focus on the past but on what happens in the here and now.

Humanistic therapy

This approach establishes you as the main tool in therapy, your own healer with the potential to achieve your ultimate goals. Human resilience and self-healing are at the core of this approach. The process helps unfold your self-healing potential, stimulates creativity, and promotes personal growth.

A very simplistic way to explain it is that the existential approach in psychotherapy is organized around life on earth itself and the social, cultural and spiritual ramifications of it, that is, the “human condition.” People’s existential issues are related to their mortality and impermanence, their experience of freedom of choice (or lack of it), their sense of worthiness, and their sense of separation/connection with others. We review the contributions of Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Sartre, Bugental, Binswanger, Fromm, Laing, Sullivan, May, Frankl, and Yalom. We identify five themes that pervade existentialism:

  1. Meaning in life is found in the living of each moment;
  2. Passionate commitment to a way of life, to one’s purpose and one’s relationships, is the highest form of expression of one’s humanity;
  3. All human beings have freedom of choice and responsibility for our choices
  4. Openness to experience allows for the greatest possible expansion of personal expression; and
  5. In the ever-present face of death itself, we find the deepest commitment to life itself.

We also address the relationship between experiential psychotherapy, the existential approach, and Heart-Centered therapies. Needless to say that there is not a system that can really explain the complexity to f the human phenomena and of course, there is not a system that alone can give you a quick fix or a cure. The solution is in the phenomenological understanding of the situation and of the human being involved, the comprehensive analysis of the situational elements, and of the comprehensive concept of care -versus cure- that we clinicians take into account to provide the bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of care.

Nonetheless, there is enough research about the patient/client being the best agent of change and the personality of the therapist being more important than the “approach” itself. Interesting, isn’t.

You can always try to do some research when trying to find the right therapist for you but let’s say that is you are ready and the therapist has enough empathy and active listening, compassion, and of course knowledge, you will be safe independently of the “approach” she/he uses.

Good Luck and do it, it is worth it… Go find Nemo!

This entry was posted in General on July 6th, 2014.
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Bill Clinton Adds Voice to Wife’s Support of Gay Rights

By Amy Chozic for the New York Times

Hillary Clinton official Secretary of State portrait crop Former President Bill Clinton, in a video message to be broadcast this week, says he was “honored and grateful to be among the voices urging” the overturning of the Defense of Marriage Act, the measure he signed into law in 1996 that barred federal recognition of same-sex marriages.

Mr. Clinton’s remarks will be included in a special program to honor gay rights activists that will be shown on Thursday on Logo TV, a cable channel aimed at gay and lesbian viewers. The special, called “Trailblazers,” will mark the first anniversary of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the marriage act, and will pay tribute to two figures in the case: Roberta A. Kaplan, a lawyer, and Edith Windsor, the plaintiff. “As marriage equality spreads across the states, the number of people impacted by these two amazing women will only continue to grow,” Mr. Clinton said. Read More

This entry was posted in General on June 27th, 2014.
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Orange is The New Black Key to Success : Openness to Lesbian Sex and Love and of course the Transgender Tipping point

Needless to say that by now, almost everybody in the LGBT community has seen or heard of Orange Is the New Black. The reaction to Orange Is the New Black — based on the memoir by Piper Kerman — has been intense, from among both viewers and critics. But its place of origin is not the thing that is most surprising about the show. Orange, after all, is a show that features a primarily female cast — made up of mostly unknown actors, with a few exceptions — and an unlikely protagonist in Taylor Schilling’s Piper Chapman. She is often selfish and unlikable, but she provides an entry to a world that (I hope) few of its viewers will ever see: inside a New York women’s prison. The series is compelling, bringing LGBT issues to the forefront of society awareness. Said by many like on Why You Need To Stop What You’re Doing And Watch “Orange Is The New Black” by Jace Lacob (http://www.buzzfeed.com/jacelacob/why-you-need-to-stop-what-youre-doing-and-watch-orange-is-th)

The series also offers a take on LGBT love like stated by Alyssa Rosenberg for the Washington Post ‘Orange Is The New Black’ and the meaning of love  (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/act-four/wp/2014/06/26/orange-is-the-new-black-and-the-meaning-of-love/), or simply put by Kiley Thompson you could find; “…7 reasons to drop everything and watch this Netflix show right now, who said Whispers in the workplace hallways about “chocolate and vanilla… swirl.” You keep seeing pictures of women in orange or taupe scrubs. People at Starbucks keep referencing someone named “Piper” and her sorta-kinda-love-hate girlfriend “Alex” and bemoaning the fact that one of them won’t be around much in Season 2. One actress reminds you of a dark-haired version of that girl that was on “That 70s Show.” And you don’t have Netflix, so you don’t care. But you should. (http://www.zap2it.com/blogs/orange_is_the_new_black_7_reasons_to_drop_everything_and_watch_this_netflix_show_right_now-2013-10)

What do you need to know about this show, and why should you watch it? To be honest, a released-all-at-once season of a television show keeps writers like this one from figuring out the best way to recap and review a show. And that is a blessing and a curse, because we’re all used to weekly installments slow-cooking our show love. Instead, we get it all at once, an amazing all-you-can-eat buffet that leaves us choking on great stories and trying to figure out how to explain it all to a hungry bystander. and then, last but no least offering a refreshing and courageous view of transgender issues (nearly a year after the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage, another social movement is poised to challenge deeply held cultural beliefs) as seen in San Francisco and reported by the Time Magazine in its June issue (http://time.com/135480/transgender-tipping-point/)” …In the beaux-arts lobby of the Nourse Theater in San Francisco, men in deep V-necks and necklaces walk by women with crew cuts and plaid shirts buttoned to the top. Boys carrying pink backpacks kiss on the lips, while long-haired ladies whose sequined tank tops expose broad shoulders snap selfies. About 1,100 people, many gleefully defying gender stereotypes, eventually pack the auditorium to hear the story of an unlikely icon. “I stand before you this evening,” Laverne Cox, who stars in the Netflix drama Orange Is the New Black, tells the crowd, “a proud, African-American transgender woman.” The cheers are loud and long. Almost one year after the Supreme Court ruled that Americans were free to marry the person they want … Brava!

This entry was posted in General on June 27th, 2014.
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