Doris Bersing, PhD
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Therapy for older LGBT individuals

happy lesbian couple.When addressing the needs for counseling and therapy for the LGBT population, we are already stressing the importance of this segment of our society, however like with any group of people, we cannot just compile ALL issues for all of the group in only one issue or set of issues as the solutions are not one size fits all, either. In 2011, David Richards’ article ‘Working with older LGBT people’ (http://www.therapytoday.net/article/show/2830/)  explores the challenges of working therapeutically with older LGBT men and women, for gay, lesbian and heterosexual practitioners”. He stresses the generalities of working with this population but as expressed by Carly Hall: “… there are some issues that I would like to raise in the interests of older lesbians. I speak as a lesbian growing older, a client, a healthcare professional and a researcher…First, to address LGBT as one general group I believe is incorrect. Even taking out the bisexual and transgender, one is still left with two hugely diverse groups. Political, sociological and economic influences over the years, combined with the biology of being a woman, will inevitably make older lesbians’ experiences markedly different from those of gay men of a similar age.Women who today are over 65 (born pre-1947) and identify as lesbians are acknowledged by health and social care researchers to be a difficult group to reach; ‘convenience’ samples may not always be representative of the wide group. But there are findings from pertinent research studies, including my own, which may have relevance for the therapist.  Read Carly Hall’s article (http://www.therapytoday.net/article/show/2972/)


The dark side of the Internet for LGBT people

 No doubt that the use of the internet is very easy, efficient, and convenient. Nonetheless, the use of the internet has been utterly transformed in many ways, but improvements in search technology by Google, Kosmix and others have only begun to plumb the deep web. “A hidden web”

Open or hidden, the web has its pros and cons and minorities, vulnerable people, like children, youth, and others are easy to pray. Professionals at VpN mentor had conducted research on how much LGBT people are bullied online.

They state that along with the benefits of the internet, “the internet can also be an intimidating and dangerous place. Just read the comments on any viral social media post and you’ll see a slew of insults and misdirected aggression. Considering the fact that a large portion of these hateful comments includes homophobic and sometimes even biphobic slurs, the internet is especially threatening to the LGBTQ+ community.

According to their study, “…According to our study, 73% of LGBTQ+ people have reported being personally attacked or harassed online…”

Read the whole article and see the different data and how to stay safe online Here

 


Resilience: The Client as an Active Agent of Change

Accepting we clinicians are not as mighty power as we , sometimes, want to believe, and as much of a blow to our egos, it can be, there is a fact we need to recognize as such: human resilience and people’s self-healing powers count for positive outcomes after traumas and strenuous circumstances, equally effectively or more than proven therapeutic approaches.

A very respected and renowned colleague of mine, Dr. Arthur Bohart always reminded me and anybody who wanted to listen to his revolutionary opinions in regards to the effectiveness of some therapeutic approaches or the best personality traits for a successful clinician, that human beings are more resilient that what we want to account for and that the theory of some approaches being more effective than others are more of a myth than a fact since for Dr. Bohart” the “client acts as a self-healer” and human resilience counts for more of the positive outcomes in therapy. So, what is the clinician’s role? In a way, we therapists are a catalyst or better said a witness to the self-healing process. A guide to educate and share the process with the client. In an article published in the Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, Vol. 10, No. 2, 2000, he describes the dominant “medical” or “treatment” model of psychotherapy and how it puts the client in the position of a “dependent variable” who is operated on by supposedly potent therapeutic techniques. Next I argue that the data do not fit with this model. An alternative model is that the client is the most important common factor and that it is clients’ self-healing capacities which make therapy work…” Read his article

The same concept works with the forgotten population, the older adults and elders. Resilience and aging: it’s a favorite theme of gero-psychiatrist Helen Lavretsy, MD, MS. It’s the subject of her new book, Resilience and Aging: Research and Practice and the theme of a symposium at the APA Annual Meeting in New York City. In a recent podcast, she talks briefly about interventions that can help bolster resilience and help older people recover quickly from adversity. Listen to her podcast

 

Resilience and aging: it’s a favorite theme of geropsychiatrist Helen Lavretsy, MD, MS. It’s the subject of her new book, Resilience and Aging: Research and Practice and the theme of a symposium at the APA Annual Meeting in New York City.Here, she talks briefly about interventions that can help bolster resilience and help older people recover quickly from adversity. – See more at: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/apa2014/strategies-bolstering-resilience-older-adults#sthash.LuOVSHfT.dpuf
Resilience and aging: it’s a favorite theme of geropsychiatrist Helen Lavretsy, MD, MS. It’s the subject of her new book, Resilience and Aging: Research and Practice and the theme of a symposium at the APA Annual Meeting in New York City.Here, she talks briefly about interventions that can help bolster resilience and help older people recover quickly from adversity. – See more at: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/apa2014/strategies-bolstering-resilience-older-adults#sthash.IleQ1IGr.dpuf

Depression: You Can Break Free From it

Sadness and depression

Copyright: kmiragaya

More than just a bout of the blues, depression is not a permanent personality trait or a character issue or a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply “snap out” of.

Clinicians at the Mayo Clinic state that “…Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn’t worth living…depression may require long-term treatment. But don’t get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling or both…”

Struggling with depression requires action, but taking action when you’re depressed is hard. Even f you know you could do something to feel better, the fact of just thinking about the things you should do to feel better, requires a level of energy, often, you do not have. It’s the paradoxical side of fighting depression: The things that help us the most are the things that are the most difficult to do and overcoming depression is not something you do in the blink of an eye, it is difficult stuff but there’s a difference between something that’s difficult and something that’s impossible.

A recent article on WebMD states that “…many people think of depression as an intolerable sadness or a deep gloom that just won’t go away. Yet depression can also be sneaky, disguised in symptoms that can be hard to identify. If you’ve had unexplained aches or pains, often feel irritable or angry for no reason, or cry at the drop of a hat — you could be depressed.

Fortunately, you can be proactive with depression. Learn how these less obvious symptoms can reveal themselves and when you should seek out depression treatment…” Read More


How to Save Your Closest Relationships During a Stressful Self-Isolation

No matter how well your family gets along under normal circumstances, spending more time at home together amid a global pandemic has likely put your relationships to the test. All that extra time in close quarters can not only lead to strained relationships but also physical, mental, and emotional health challenges for everyone, and more so for seniors. With that said, there are plenty of ways that you can relieve any ongoing tension and reduce the stress in your home. Few things you can do to preserve and strengthen your relationships during this time of crisis.

Seek guidance.

None of us is above getting help when we need it. If you and/or other family members are dealing with depression, anxiety, chronic stress, or other mood-related issues, it’s essential to get help. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or working with a health coach, help is out there for the taking. Depending on your family circumstances, you may even need to work with a mediator. Families with divorced parents might be experiencing a more significant toll right now. Norman Spencer, Ph.D. says that regardless of the situation, taking steps toward improving your physical, mental, and/or emotional health will pay off for you and everyone around you. And the benefits will carry over well past the pandemic.

Freshen up your living space.

 Oftentimes, your environment is a contributor to tension and stress. For example, if you notice people in your household criticizing one another, arguing, or complaining more than usual, take a close look at your living space. Is it dirty? Is it messy? If so, take steps to fix it. Declutter your entire home room by room, getting rid of any items that you don’t want or need. Deep clean your home from top to bottom. Make sure you are changing your air filters, put out some air-purifying houseplants, and take other steps to improve the indoor air quality of your home. Maintaining a clean living space can do wonders for relieving tension and stress.

Plan outdoor activities.

Another way that you can improve your overall health and well-being and foster the relationships in your household is to spend more time together outdoors. Over the past several decades, children and adults alike have been spending less time in nature.

However, the good news is that there are many outdoor activities that will allow you to unplug and reduce stress. Whether it’s setting up games in the backyard, hiking in the wilderness, or planning a weekend beach trip, getting out in the sun together may prove to give your family the boost of health and joy that you need.

Connect with other seniors, help in the community, reach out.

As Bob Shannon, from Seniors Meet, says: people of a certain older generation should get together and chat about the stuff their kids have no interest in.

On the other hand, it is not only self-agency but as a society, there is the level of social responsibility and action that can take place vis-à-vis the consequences of this pandemic around seniors. Support for older people, their families, and their caregivers is an essential part of the countries’ comprehensive response to the pandemic. The World Health Organization-Europe, states that “dissemination of accurate information is critical to ensuring that older people have clear messages and resources on how to stay physically and mentally healthy during the pandemic and what to do if they should fall ill”.

Give each other grace.

Finally, remember that this continues to be a stressful time for pretty much everyone. For a year and a half plus, everyday routines were upended for countless households across the country (and the entire world). And spending more together with other people is a breeding ground for tension and stress. But just because you and your family are having problems doesn’t mean that they can’t be fixed with a little work and determination. A piece of advice from ZenBusiness’s article on stress management for business owners translates well here — Everyone in your household should make a list of their stress triggers. That way they know exactly what can send them spiraling and take steps to avoid or walk away from situations where they know they could lose their cool.

And as we move forward and (hopefully!) fully emerge from the pandemic, make a point to show grace, patience, and understanding to one another, even when you don’t feel like it. And each of you will benefit both in the short term and long term.

Don’t let the COVID-19 pandemic continue to negatively impact your closest relationships. Remember to consider seeking professional help, clean up your home, get outside, and cut each other some slack, reach out to your community centers, start new zoom-classes when possible and talk to your friends about it, reach out, and with focused efforts, our relationships will begin to become stronger than ever.

 


Tackling Daily Life: How to Help a Senior Loved One After the Death of a Spouse

Copyright : fotoluminate

When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning, feeling grief and sorrow at the loss.  The National Institute of Health had found that “…you may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you…” Death of a spouse at any age is a life-shattering experience. In addition to psychological impacts such as depression, grief can have physical consequences such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite. It is important to know that these feelings are normal and expected, although they manifest in different ways in different people. Grieving does not come on one size-fits-all.  Although with a great impact for anybody, losing a spouse or significant other is more devastating for seniors.

For seniors, bereavement can have a devastating effect on their immune system and cause them to lose interest in their own care. This may in part explain why many seniors experience a severe decline in health or even pass away shortly after the loss of a spouse. For some, the death of a loved one can result in stress cardiomyopathy, often referred to as “broken heart syndrome”. but for seniors who have depended on each other for years, the loss can feel beyond overwhelming. “Losing a spouse is a trying time in many aspects but it can bring also some positive aspects if we can see it that way, says Bob Shannon (*) founder of  SeniorsMeet.org.

Some new facts will settle in and become new realities, some challenges but also some new learning experiences that can speak to the old saying of seeing a glass half full or half empty. The financial aspect is a very important one to look at when speaking challenges. After a spouse’s death, it quickly becomes apparent just how fragile your senior loved one is, financially speaking showing as inability to handle bills and less independence in in accomplishing activities of daily living.

Decreased Independence

It is natural for health problems to arise as we age such as arthritis, low muscle strength, balance issues, and vision problems – some of which may require medication. When two people live together, help is never more than a shout away, and typically one person finds themselves reminding the other to take their medicine. Now that your loved one lives alone, that security blanket has been ripped away, leaving you to constantly worry. You may find yourself making daily phone calls or trips to check in. In some cases, your loved one may be the one making the calls, as this new world is overwhelming. It becomes a balancing act of helping out as much as possible, but also knowing when to take a step back.

If your senior loved one prefers to continue living alone, consider making helpful alterations. Simple home modifications such as stair railings, bathroom grab bars, ramps, or removing any tripping hazards will increase the safety of the home. Install a home monitoring system so your loved one can quickly and easily call for help, giving you both peace of mind.

Should your loved one have mobility issues that limit their ability to take care of household upkeep and maintenance, help them connect with professionals who can handle necessary tasks. Whether it’s having the gutters cleaned, windows repaired, lawn care, house cleaning or any other type of service, experts with top ratings and stellar reviews will give you both peace of mind. For example, many gutter cleaning companies commonly offer a discount for senior citizens. A search on Angie’s list on the topic will yield a lengthy list of professionals, some of whom may even offer specials. Having a dedicated spot to find experts ensures you both find the right people for the job.

A positive aspect: The glass half full.

While it may sound odd, the death of a spouse creates a learning experience. For example, one spouse may have never written a check or paid a bill, as their partner handled all financial obligations. In some cases, the surviving spouse doesn’t know how to cook or drive a car. All the new responsibilities can become overwhelming, but technology makes learning new tasks and skills a breeze.

Encourage your loved one to take a class at a senior center or sign up for senior classes at your local college or university. If your loved one isn’t already tech-savvy, persuade them to take a computer class to learn the basics. They can use their new skills to keep in touch with friends and family via email or social media, keep updated on local and global news, or search the Internet for whatever their heart desires, such as a new recipe for banana bread.

Don’t forget about basic tasks too. Your loved one will have to learn to take care of themselves, and this includesbasic needs such as eating right, adequate sleep, and socializing. So encourage them to stay active and healthy through exercise, healthy shopping lists, joining a local senior center or going out with friends once a week to eat dinner, bowl, or play cards. There may even come a time when your loved one is ready to consider a romantic relationship. If you find they’re longing for companionship, help them connect with senior-friendly dating sites. Making new social bonds and/or dating after the death of a spouse can be a touchy subject. Is it disrespectful to my spouse’s memory? What will my kids think? How long is long enough to grieve? Every widow and widower has different answers to these questions. In reality, there are no set answers but the will be the topic of a next post.

Daily life will change after the loss of a spouse, but with a little help, it is more than manageable.  Help your loved one come up with ways to take back their independence, and live a fulfilling life comforted by the fact that they have a lifetime of memories to cherish.

(*) Bob Shannon created SeniorsMeet.org, along with his wife, Mary, to have a website that allows seniors to meet up and talk about topics that are relevant to their daily lives. They hope to build SeniorsMeet into a community of like-minded seniors.


How to Upsize in Retirement

Copyright: Steven Frame

As the aging population continues to expand, many of us are beginning to think about our future need for long-term care. You can’t predict the type of long-term care you will need or how long you will need it, but you can start planning for the cost. Long-term care is certainly not cheap. According to the Genworth 2020 Cost of Care Study, the median annual cost for adult day health care services was $19,240. The average costs for homemaker services and in-home health aid were $53,768 and $54,912, respectively. And in 2020, families spent an average of $93,075 for a semi-private room and $105,850 for a private room in a nursing home.

Reducing Your Chances of Needing Long-Term Care

As you may have noticed above, receiving your long-term care at home is the most frugal of the options, says Bob Shannon (*). To make aging-in-place possible, it’s important to have a home conducive to such a lifestyle. A safe home for seniors shouldn’t have too many steps, and safety features should be added in common areas like the bathrooms and kitchen. If your current home isn’t ready for you to age in place, it might be time to look into downsizing for your senior years. Selling your current home and moving into a smaller, one-story home can also help you net some cash to cover the costs of long-term care. To estimate how much your home is worth, you can use an online home sale proceeds calculator. Furthermore, the fewer medical issues you have, the smaller the chance you will need long-term care in your senior years. While you can’t prevent hereditary issues, you can be proactive in preventing many chronic illnesses, including heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.

  • Consume a healthy diet based on whole, unprocessed foods. Cut out the junk that is high in sodium, saturated fats, and excess sugars.
  • Exercise Working out regulates blood sugar, controls your weight, and reduces pain caused by stiffness and inflammation.
  • Be social! We need social interaction for our mental and emotional health. Socialization keeps you mentally and physically active while keeping you from being lonely.

Saving and Paying for Long-Term Care

The sooner you start saving and planning for long-term care, the more options you’ll have for the future. Long-term care insurance is expensive, and some people find the high premiums are not worth the trouble. However, the younger you are when you buy into a long-term care insurance policy, the more affordable it is.

Reverse mortgages are a popular option for seniors. A reverse mortgage is a home equity loan for older homeowners. Once seniors have a reverse mortgage, they no longer have to make their monthly home payments. Plus, they get their payout either in one lump sum or installments. When the homeowner passes away, the property is then sold to cover the remaining costs. Homeowners should only consider a reverse mortgage if they do not plan on leaving their property to others.

Another option is a Health Savings Account, or HSA. An HSA is a tax-free, high-interest savings account that allows you to invest thousands of dollars a year into your future medical needs. According to NerdWallet, funds can be withdrawn without being taxed if they are spent on qualifying medical expenses— including long-term care. HSA holders can withdraw money for other purposes, but these withdrawals are subject to taxation.

Brief, long-term care is a huge expense for seniors. Planning ensures that you are able to pay for the type of care you want. Living a healthy lifestyle can prevent chronic diseases from developing and reduce your chances of needing long-term care. Moving to a smaller and more manageable home means you can choose care at home and age-in-place. When it comes to paying for long-term care, the right option depends on your situation. The younger you are, the more affordable long-term care insurance is and the more time you must contribute to your HSA. However, older seniors should investigate reverse mortgages to see if it’s a smart option for them.

(*) Bob Shannon, along with his wife, Mary are the creators of seniorsmeet.org. The inspiration behind SeniorMeet was to have a website that allows seniors to “meet up” and talk about topics that are relevant to their daily lives. This is one of those topics.


The Best Senior-Friendly Tech Tools to Keep You Engaged in the World

Now more than ever before, it’s important for seniors to connect with their loved ones and engage in the world around them — even if they’re doing it from the safety of their homes. Senior isolation and loneliness are growing concerns amidst COVID-19, but tech devices like smartphones, laptops, tablets, and e-readers give older adults a chance to stay in touch with the outside world and pursue their passions while staying safe at home. To explore some of the best tech tools for seniors, check out these suggestions.

Smartphones, Laptops, and Tablets

Among some of the most common senior-friendly tech devices are smartphones, laptops, and tablets. These devices can help seniors connect with their loved ones, learn new skills and hobbies, get help in an emergency, pursue passions, and experience a better quality of life overall. Here’s what makes technology so great, especially in the age of COVID-19:

  • Video chatting. Seniors can use smartphones, tablets, and laptops with built-in webcams to video chat with loved ones via popular apps such as Zoom or Skype. According to Lifehacker, FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Lite, and WhatsApp are some of the simplest video chat apps for seniors.
  • Calling, texting, emailing, and sending photos. Seniors can use their smartphones to send and receive phone calls, text messages, emails, and photos. Plus, they can access a variety of mobile apps such as MedWatcher, Senior Phone, and Kindle.
  • Browsing the internet. Since laptops and tablets feature larger screens, these tech devices are perfect for visiting social media sites, playing online games, watching videos, and browsing the internet. Plus, seniors can join online communities and connect with other older adults from anywhere in the world.
  • Volunteering. Through AARP and other websites such as VolunteerMatch and DoSomething.org, seniors can find remote volunteer opportunities that allow them to pursue their passions from home.
  • Books, podcasts, and audiobooks. With their tech devices, seniors can listen to podcasts and audiobooks — and read electronic books, magazines, and newspapers.

Before accessing the internet, seniors need to have a plan in place for protecting themselves from identity theft and other types of suspicious activity. Check out Verizon’s tips and guides to learn all about identity theft protection, cybersecurity, and online safety.

Educational Apps and Websites

In addition to using their tablets, laptops, and smartphones to video chat with loved ones, browse the internet, and search for remote volunteer opportunities, seniors can continue their education with online courses, programs, and tutorials. It’s never too late to learn something new, and the internet makes learning easier than ever.

According to Helen Jarden of MoneyPantry, educational websites like Alison, Academic Earth, Coursera, Khan Academy, and Duolingo offer free online courses for seniors. Coursera, for instance, offers free courses on everything from psychology and marketing to nutrition and animal welfare. Seniors can also put their creative abilities to the test with free drawing and sketching classes. As another option for seniors: an abundance of free online tutorials and classes are available on YouTube, including those on knitting, calligraphy, yoga, dance, sewing, cooking, and more. Whatever their hobbies, skills, and passions may be, seniors can find everything they’re looking for online.

The Bottom Line

If you or your senior loved one is struggling physically or mentally amidst COVID-19, some other strategies can help. In addition to using technology to connect with others, exercising daily, eating nutritiously, and rekindling old hobbies and passions are some of the best ways seniors can improve mental and physical health.

With access to the internet, seniors can easily reconnect with their passions and learn new hobbies, which will help to keep their minds and bodies healthy, young, and happy as they grow older. And for more tips and resources that empower seniors to age well, connect with Doris Bersing for geriatric consultation. Schedule a counseling session today.


How to Find and Buy the Perfect Property for Homesteading as a Retiree

When you retire, you will have significantly more time on your hands. The big question is, how do you want to spend it? You can prepare to make the most of your newfound leisure time by moving to a larger property. With a bigger home, you can easily host children, grandkids, and friends at any time.

If you’re a fan of the great outdoors, consider getting a more remote piece of real estate so you can pursue homesteading. Homesteading is all about self-sufficient living. With a bit of land, you can take up hobbies like raising chickens or cutting your own firewood. Spending more time outdoors will also preserve your health as you age, resulting in improved immune function, better sleep, and higher energy levels.

 Doris Bersing can help you figure out if the homesteading life is a good option for you. If you conclude that this is the route you want to take in retirement, you have to secure an appropriate piece of property. This guide explains how to find and buy a larger home as you prepare for retirement.

Define your ideal property.

Make a list of what you’re looking for in a house. If you’re going to be homesteading, you need to consider characteristics like land size, for example. When it comes to the actual house, consider how many rooms you’ll need to accommodate visiting family and what purposes those rooms should serve. For example, young grandkids might want a playroom. When buying a house you also have to think about your own needs, of course. Consider what you might need now and in the future. Seniors with limited mobility do better with single-story homes that don’t require them to use stairs, for example. Meanwhile, individuals with Alzheimer’s require safety precautions in the bathroom, such as grab bars.

Figure out your financial capacity.

Next, take stock of your financial situation. Keep in mind that to buy a home, you will likely have to take out a mortgage. In order to get a low-interest rate, most lenders require you to make a down payment of 20%. If you pay this minimum upfront, you also have the advantage of foregoing the cost of private mortgage insurance. If you have unpaid debts, getting a good mortgage interest rate may be challenging. Improve your odds of securing a favorable loan by quickly eliminating and paying down what you owe. Consult local debt relief and assistance resources. A debt relief expert can offer advice based on characteristics like how much you owe and your employment status.

Close the deal.

 If you do find the perfect property, you will likely have to move quickly to secure it. The real estate market is competitive and you don’t want to let a great opportunity slip through your fingers. In this case, it’s possible that you may have to buy your new property before you can sell your old one.

There are a few precautions you should take. Note that you can request an extended closing. This will buy you some extra time to unload your old home. If you’re struggling to sell your old house, enlist the help of a realtor. They can ensure a more streamlined process. Finally, you can consider renting out your old home until it sells.

Enlist assistance for the move.

 When the time comes to make your move, don’t go it alone. Moving is strenuous at any age and even more so for seniors. Hire professionals to handle the heavy lifting and avoid injury. You can also get a senior moving consultant to help. They will manage the entire process, taking you from A to B — old home to new home — in a streamlined and stress-free manner.

With the above tips, you can find the perfect property to spend your retirement. With effort and persistence, you’ll soon be settled in a new home where you can make the most of your golden years.

For more resources and inspiration on how to live the best life in your golden years, turn to geriatric consultant Doris Bersing. Schedule a consultation today.

Photo Credit: Pexels.com

Autoestima Para Mujeres en el Siglo XXI

En el último cuarto del siglo XX mucho se escribió en el campo de la autoayuda y pareciese que todo es tan fácil como seguir los bien intencionados consejos de amigas, psicólogos, y autores que han esparcido sugestiones a diestra y siniestra de como ser la mujer de la nueva era. Y por supuesto, yo soy una de ellos!

Todos tenemos una historia y muchas de nosotras tenemos una historia de mujeres que marca  nuestra trayectoria, nuestros sucesos, nuestros fracasos, sueños y realidades. Sea cual sea tu hisotria, esta atada a mujeres, del pasado, de otras vidas, y las mujeres del siglo XX que enfrentan separaciones, cambios, retos y oportunidades. También representa una lucha por la autosuperación y la liberación. Liberación de viejos patrones, liberación de miedos y mapas que nos confunden y nos catapultan en direcciones equivocadas o en los mejores de los casos en direcciones que no son las que deseamos y las cuales no conducen al logro de nuestras metas. La lucha ha sido –y es- contra los paradigmas de una cultura patriarcal que ha disminuido el poder de la mujer como miembro activo y decisivo de la sociedad.

Aunque muchas civilizaciones antiguas exaltaron mujeres y las adoraron como seres divinos que poseian poderes de sanación, de decisión, y de gobierno y las convirtieron en Diosas, mucho ha sucedido a ese poder femenino que poco a poco en la travesia de los tiempos ha perdido fuerza, validez, poder e identidad. En los años noventa muchas mujeres acariciabamos la idea de poder entrar en la madurez y la plenitud de ser mujer. Una mujer con multiples alternatives y posibilidad de elección. La clave estaba en encontrar el origen todopoderoso y único, la divina esencia que se encuentra dentro de nosotras –la Diosa-   que nos convierte en criaturas únicas, maravillosas y poderosas. Esa jornada al centro de nosotras mismas empezaba con crecimiento personal, independecia, autosuficiciencia y desde ahi iriamos esculpiendo nuesrtro lugar en la historia de la humanidad, o por lo menos a nuestro alrededor; esto no era solo una posibilidad pero un mandato! Todo era possible si conectabamos conesa –nuestra- Diosa interior. Anque despues de una dozena de años y otro libro explorando la identidad femenina,  la verdad de esa Diosa a veces vapuleada, agobiada por la lucha, y cansada de la duplicidad de roles, de vivir el poder y la caida, me doy cuenta de que se necesita algo mas que el crecimiento personal y la spiritualidad para alcanzar la liberación.

Simone de Beauvoir – en los años 50’s, en su libro El Segundo Sexo –quien quizas sin proponerselo escribio el más certero y brillante alegato de cuantos se han producido a lo largo del siglo XX a favor de las mujeres y al no determinismo biologico del ser mujer expreso que ademas de la capacidad de crecimiento personal, la sociedad tiene un gran rol en lo que las mujeres pueden aspirar y lograr en la cultura: “…una no nace, una se convierte en mujer… es la civilizacion en su totalidad la que produce esta criatura”. Para Beauvoir –militante politica y comunista de la mitad del siglo XX- la revolución debía resolver también los problemas de las mujeres: “Yo creía que la condición femenina evolucionaría al mismo tiempo que la sociedad”. Aunque el libro El Segundo Sexo marca un hito en la historia del feminismo en el Siglo XX y constituye una obra maestra en cuanto a la descripcion de la condicion de la mujer y el determinismo social que la amenaza, tambien evidencial el impacto que la cultura y la sociedad que rodea a la mujer tiene en el rol que esta desempena y el lugar que alcanza. Asi dos fuerzas yuxtapuestas entran en juego para definir lo que seremos como mujer. Una -como Beauvoir y muchos otros culturalistas han propuesto- es la influencia de la cultura y los roles socialkes que son adjudicados, permitidosd o negados a la mujer. La otra, esa determinacion interior que esta ligada al potencial personal. Asi que aunque cambiemos el entorno y luchemos contra la opresion del determinismo patriarcal, nada lograremos si no damos ese primer paso de reconocer lo sagrado en nuestra esencia y aduenarnos de nuestro poder interior mientras decretamos la independencia de la mujer de nuestros dias. Lo social es una suma de individualidades…aunque esta realidad social sea mayor que la suma de las partes, las partes- lo individual- juega un papel crucial.

En los albores del siglo XXI encontramos a una mujer crecida que se ha forjado a traves de una nueva generacion, una mujer nunca vista, la llamada mujer de la generacion “baby-boomer” Una mujer con agallas, con ganas de crecer, con ganas de vivir, y un gran deseo de mimarse; una mujer que representa la liberación femenina, el acceso masivo de la mujer al empleo, aunque tambien representa la era del consumo y los medios masivos de comunicación. Esa mujer tambien representa la transicion de valores mas conservadores a valores mas liberales y ajustados a luchas por igualdad social y participacion democratica. Ahora, adivina… esa mujer que produjo la gran revolución juvenil, la generación de la televisión y la publicidad, aquella que provocó que el mercadeo y la publicidad apunten casi exclusivamente a los jóvenes… entró en la mediana edad en forma masiva. Si, muchas de las Diosas han crecido, se han repotenciado, han luchado, y todavia… luchan! Y yo me pregunto, cuales son las nuevas circunstancias, cuales las nuevas luchas, cuales los logros y cuales lor obstaculos a los suenos del movimiento feminista, el renacer de la Diosa, y la accion afirmativa? Es que hemos alcanzado lo que nos prometimos a nosotras mismas e incluso aquello que otros nos prometieron que podriamos alcanzar?

Contemplando la historia del último siglo, vemos hechos alentadores donde mujeres luchadoras han alcanzado el pinaculo de la fama y han conquistado lugares sin precedente en la historia. Ya en 1900, mujeres en Inglaterra y la costa este de Estados Unidos de America peleaban para sindicalizar a las trabajadoras textiles de estoss paises ya en la era industrial. Tambien en Estados Unidos de America y en los comienzos del siglo XX, feministas –sin saberlo- como Margaret Sanger peleaban por el derecho de las mujeres al control de la natalidad. Mientras tanto en Latino America Gabriela Mistral estudiaba para profesora y era llamada la Poeta nacional de Chile. En Venezuela, Carmen Clemente Travieso era la primera mujer a la que la Universidad Central de Venezuela (UCV) le daba el título de reportera. Al mismo tiempo, Eumelia Hernandez quien –en el año 1936- comenzaba a luchar por las mujeres en la Asociación Cultural Femenina; y por los trabajadores en general, unia las filas de el Partido Republicano Progresista del cual saldría el Partido Comunista de Venezuela. En Mejico Frida Kahlo -quien desarrollo su excelente talento artistico al luchar contra el dolor fisico, las penas morales, y el aburrimiento- escandalizaba un Mejico colonial con su arte, su amor por la vida, por los hombres y mujeres.. A traves de los años hemos sido testigos –a veces mudos a veces a viva voz- de muchas luchas, luchas personales, luchas socials, siempre luchas donde mujeres han logrado vencer las barreras tanto personales como socials que las disminuian.

Otras mujeres destacadas que vienen a mi memoria son –y aca no trato por ningun medio de hacer una lista exhaustiva de las mujeres que han hecho historia en el mundo (2) en el último siglo, ya que eso seria material para un libro totalmente diferente, sino materializar en estas paginas esas que por decadas han sido –para mi como para muchas otras mujeres de mi generacion- modelos de inspiracion en lo personal y en lo social- Argelia Laya de Venezuela quien desde los años cincuenta representa la voluntad férrea en el compromiso, el arrojo y sacrificio por las ideas de igualdad y justicia, el trabajo incansable por los derechos humanos y sociales, la solidaridad incondicional en la lucha por los derechos de las mujeres. En el quimerico Norte, en 1989, Antonia Novello –medico- era nombrada Jefe de Sanidad de Estados Unidos siendo la primera mujer y persona de color elegida para ese cargo.

Todas las luchas del movimiento feminista de los años sesenta y setenta se concentraron en reivindicar el lugar de la mujer en la sociedad; un lugar que aun necesita ser reinvidicado ya que incluso en los llamados paises desarrollados se ignoran los derechos igualitarios que tienen las mujeres. Por ejemplo tenemos la decisión de la Corte Suprema Norte Americana donde finalmente -y apenas en 1996- se obligó a todas las academias militares –publicas y privadas- a aceptar mujeres en sus salones – a pesar de otra orden de la corte suprema -en 1975- que dictaminaba que era illegal la discriminación contra mujeres aspirantes a la academia militar, algunas escuelas todavia seguian ignorando esa decisión.

Otras luchas por los derechos civiles –y que aun no se han extendido a todos los paises ha sido la lucha por el derecho de las mujeres a escoger abortar o continuar con un embarazo; la lucha para denunciar y castigar el acoso sexual en lugares de trabajo –basicamente en paises industrializados- tambien han marcado un hito en la historia del feminismo de estos ultimos cincuenta años. Luchas tambien llevadas a cabo por mujeres de paises del tercer mundo quienes han batallado por reivindicar su estatus y el de los de su clase. Dolores Huerta –Mejicana immigrante en los Estados Unidos de Norteamerica- en 1960 quien al lado de Cesar Chavez organizó la Asociación de Agricultores y además, ayudó a los hispanos de ese pais a obtener el derecho a votar en español y a tomar el examen para la licencia de conducir en su lenguaje nativo. Incluso la presencia de Rigoberta Menchu, una india Maya Quiché de Guatemala, en el panorama Internacional como ganadora del premio nobel de la Paz –aunque en entredicho y llamada “una farsante” por el neoliberalismo – expuso la necesidad de la liberacion femenina en su pais, y en sus tribus.

Heroinas como Gloria Steinem –principal figura del movimiento feminista en los Estados Unidos de Norteamerica que aun hoy a los setenta anos de edad continua luchando por minorias y por darle un lugar a las mujeres, incluso las que envejecemos y ya no estamos en el respalndor de nuestra juventud– debatieron publicamente y todavia consolidan un lugar central para la mujer en la sociedad norteamericana , aspirando que el ejemplo sea seguido por mujeres y sociedades de todo el mundo –lo que no podemos decir sea todavia una realidad para muchas naciones del tercer mundo que todavia luchan por basicos derechos de sobrevivencia y no-violencia.

Mujeres en muchos paises luchan por ocupar altas posiciones en la politica y el gobierno de sus paises pero solo un pequeño porcentaje de mujeres alcanzan alguna posicion en los gabinetes ejecutivos y a veces solo para hacerse cargo de los ministerios llamados de “segunda categoria”. Incluso la posicion capital de Jefe de Estado en los Estados Unidos de Norteamerica ocupada por una mujer –Condolezza Rice- no satisface plenamente al publico americano quien considera que la nominacion de Rice fue una artimaña politica para hacer creer que el gobierno del Señor George W. Bush es uno de pluralidad. Aunque es innegable que en los ultimos años, las mujeres han alcanzado lugares en la politica y en el mundo social que eran solo posible en nuestra memoria al recordar las mujeres que reinaban y gobernaban el mundo medieval y del Renacimiento, muchas no tienen alcance a las altas esferas del poder politico de sus paises y a muchas se les calla la voz. Algunos de los indiscutibles logros en el mudo de la politica alcanzados por la mujer fuera del hogar estan representados por un alentador aunque no suficiente total de 46 mujeres que han servido como cabezas de estado –presidentas o primeras ministras–en pequenos y no tan pequenos paises y estados.  Muchas de estas 46 mujeres – solo desde 1945 hasta el presente-–fueron electas popularmente o nombradas por los gabinetes ejecutivos de sus paises o continuaron la labor de sus padres o madres al morir pero muchas no terminaron sus madatos o no fueron reconocidas por la oposición o fueron vetadas por la oposicion –lo cual no es totalmente ajeno al mudo de la politica—Quizas lo que me llama la atencion es que a pesar de la discriminacion social, a pesar de que hay mucho por hacer, mujeres que descubren su poder personal pueden –y lo hacen- lograr las metas que se proponen. Entonces, si se puede! Sin embargo, hoy contemplamos lo que a veces parecen otras realidades, otras individualidades, otros valores y con nostalgia pensamos que los sesenta, setenta, ochenta -o para los efectos cualquier tiempo pasado- fue mejor; que eramos mas y mejores, mas creativas, mejores activistas, que conseguimos mas reivindicaciones sociales y que las nuevas generaciones estan adormecidas por el consumismo –y acaso no es ese el mismo consumismo que invadio a la generacion “boom”? – Tenemos una nueva generacion –la generacion Y- a quien ayudar a leer nuestra historia, esa de mujeres que luchan, abrazan a la Diosa que son pior dentro y que siguen luchando para hacer el camino –como decia el poeta Antonio Machado “…solo se hace camino al andar”

La nueva generacion “Y” – compuesta por las hijas de las mujeres de la generacion “boom’- que nacieron entre 1980 y 2001 y que parecieran mas interesadas en lo material y lo individual que en lo sagrado. Pero como en todas las generalizaciones – y gracias a Dios y a todas las Diosas- tambien existen disidentes dentro de esta cultura “Y” y   asi encontramos muchas mujeres jovenes respaldando los cambios propuestos por el partido verde a favor de una sociedad mas ecologica; las seguidoras del descontruccionismo de Derrida; el sarcasmo de la juventud gótica; las postmodernistas, las muchas que todavian siguen luchando por salvar al Amazonas, a la Antartica, las ballenas, los niños de las favelas Brasileñas, a detener la miseria de los ninos pobres del tercer mundo y mas… esperanzadoramente tambien vemos que existe una condicion humana que lucha por la verdad e igualdad. Una cualidad intrinseca a nuestro ser mujer –de poder, de querer, de cuidar, y de hacernos oir– de necesitar afirmar nuestra identidad, encontrar nuestra voz para clamar a los cuatro vientos el derecho de existir, de ser diferente, de ser, y de ser Mujer –asi con mayúscula!

Estamos presente en el transcurrir de este nuevo siglo, en el que hemos conseguido grandes triunfos y eso es muy alentador pero no nos ceguemos por que a pesar de las multiples luchas emprendidas por la mujer en este último siglo –y en el ultimo lustro- seguimos en este pugilato contra el poder de una sociedad patriarcal, imbuida de la arrogancia masculina –que con pocas exepciones–discrimina a la mujer y la despoja de su innato poder y la condena al estatus de ciudadanas de segunda clase –y en muchos casos y paises- ciudadadanas de tercera. En Europa, Fadela Amara –entre muchas otras– relata la lucha de mujeres inmigrantes que van de los paises del tercer mundo a paises “industrializados” –valdria decir a vces deshumanizados que dan cabida a fenomenos de violencia y discriminacion contra mujeres en particular del tercer mundo o de bajos recursos- en su libro Ni putas, ni Sumisas  expone la realidad de acoso, violaciones, y hasta muerte que sufren a manos de grupos de hombres pandilleros viviendo en las barriadas pobres de Francia.

A la mujer se le exige –todavia- que conforme ciertos roles y aunque se le concede cierta independencia–como ir a la universidad y trabajar por su cuenta y hasta dirigir su pais- el rol de esposa, ama de casa, y criadora de las futuras generaciones sigue siendo el prevalente. Mujeres con vidas alternativas como lesbianas, madres solteras, o profesionales que deciden no tener familia siguen siendo condenadas al ostracismo y vitupereadas publicamente y en algunos casos acosadas, discriminadas y excluidas de posiciones capitales en la sociedad. Muchas lesbianas en paises industrializados son discriminadas pero en paises del tercer mundo son a veces asesinadas, golpeadas y destituidas del derecho de criar a sus hijos o recibir servicios medicos. En el marco del Día Internacional por la No Violencia contra las Mujeres, el 25 de noviembre de 2005, lesbianas de latino America pusieron el dedo en la llaga al manifestar que: “En Nicaragua aún es delito ser lesbiana; en Cuba son obligadas a vivir en el “closet”; en Ecuador son recluidas en centros de rehabilitación para “normalizarlas” y en las favelas brasileñas se agreden sexualmente a las lesbianas negras…”. Las restricciones al poder socio-economico de la mujer y el fundamentalismo religioso tambien son factores que ademas de la homofobia cultural encarcelan a la mujer lesbiana y la obliga a llevar vidas paralelas donde la relacion homosexual es la importante y emocionalmente gratificante y la heterosexual es la relacion “conveniente.” Ante todos estos hechos indivduales y sociales de discriminación y debilitamiento del rol femenino es necesario que nos mantengamos vigilante y que incorporemos a todas nuestras hermans a la agenda feminista. Es necesario que sigamos reclamando nuestro lugar en la historia, en nuestros circulos y que la femeneidad sagrada se haga visible desde lo discursivo, lo simbolico, lo corporal.

Estos dias -que en muchos aspectos no son muy diferentes de los dias alla y entonces cuando escribi una utopia llamada autoestima para mujeres- me permiten corroborar que se ha transitado y se sigue transitando el camino hacia la liberación: Si se puede, pero siempre y cuando recordemos que toda transformacion externa comienza primero con una revolucion interna. Comienza con el descubrimiento y el aduenarse de ese poder que todas tenemos y que es inherente a nuestra divina esencia –la Diosa- y que refiere tambien al arquetipo de lideres que ha quedado enterrado en la cultura patriarcal y en el olvido del inconsciente colectivo –recordemos las reinas y gobernadoras de la edad media, las reinas del Renacimiento , las Diosas de la antigüedad Celta, Griega, Egipcia, China y Japon. Recordemos que no siempre las mujeres han estado condenadas “al fregadero” o a la marginalidad debilitante.

Necesitamos despertar y recordar nuestro linaje, nuestra herencia de Amazonas, soñadoras, poderosas, lideres, madres, cazadoras y guerreras. Es una lucha interna para despertar a los arquetipos enterrados en nuestro inconsciente y en el de la cultura, para reactivarlos mientras desplegamos nuestras alas, y alcanzamos nuestro completo potencial. Respeto y balance entre lo que queremos como individuos, lo que necesitamos como entes gregarios, la aceptacion de algunos patrones enquistados en nuestra cultura y la liberacion de cadenas ajenas a nuestra divinidad son terminos comunes al ver lo que el feminismo ha alcanzado. Respetemos lo que queremos y lo que otras quieren pues es cierto que nuevos valores y estilos de vida han sido puestos a la disposicion de las mujeres y tambien es cierto que muchos viejos valores, viejas tradiciones, y eternos deseos son todavia –y quizas siempre lo seran—importante para otro grupo entre nosotras. Pareja, matrimonio, igualdad, independencia, familia, autorealización no debieran ser imposiciones o terminos contradictorios sino posibilidades, elecciones;.

Aqui las dejo amigas, listas a recorrer este camino de luz, de pasion, de vida y crecimiento. Un camino que puede que este lleno de dolor, opresion, desencuentros, miedos, y limitaciones, pero tambien de reencuentros y luz. Recuerda que no estas sola. Te tienes a ti misma, a tu Diosa interior y a otras mujeres que antes que tu han recorrido el camino y que antes que tu han logrado redefinirse, encontrarse, and ser ellas mismas. La continuidad del tema, del constante esfuerzo por hacerse y recrearse me deja una maravillosa sensación de familiaridad mezclada con algo de dolor por el deja-vu de los lugares constantemente revisitados, la interminable lucha que solo se actualiza y cobra vigor en cada nueva mujer que nace…o que trata de ser en vez de dejarse hacer…Una historia magica, una historia sin fin…una historia, …de mujeres!

Estamos solas

Y nos pertenecemos.

En nosotras está el poder

Somos un pueblo de almas

en rebeldía

¡Despertad!

Lo que escribo aquí

se traza en el aire

el dolor es la senda

el dolor es el medio

por el dolor la fuerza

que combate el dolor

y lo transforma

por el dolor deshago

mi dolor en lo ajeno

y el ajeno en el mío

escribir

~Chantal Maillard 


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