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Estate Planning for the Living, Not Only for the Dead.
Many people believe that having an estate plan simply means drafting a will or a trust. However, there is much more to include in your estate planning to make certain all of your assets are transferred seamlessly to your heirs upon your death. A successful estate plan also includes provisions allowing your family members to access or control your assets should you become unable to do so yourself. I learned from a great estate planning Attorney, Elizabeth Krivatsy, Esq. that a will or testament works well when you are dead but does not do anything to make decisions or solve situations about your care while still alive, dealing with children, and sometimes complicated family dynamics, diversified assets, and more. Counsel Krivatsy said: When approaching estate planning, she says:”…The most important part of my work is advance health care planning – helping my clients clearly express their wishes for end-of-life care so that their loved ones are fully informed and authorized to act for them under difficult and highly emotional conditions…” Yes, indeed, there is the health aspect of the planning and of course the financial, as well.
When it comes to the financial aspect of estate planning, there are myths and misconceptions, one of them being that estate planning is only for the ultra-wealthy. The truth is far from that. Estate planning is the process of deciding what happens to your money (any amount), belongings, property, and other assets after you die. It can also appoint someone to make critical health care and financial decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. Creating a will is the most important part of estate planning, but other documents are also involved (Financial power of attorney, limited estate taxes, name beneficiaries to inherit assets, setting up funeral arrangements, etc).
Another important piece of the planning for a better living is retirement planning. Retirement planning involves setting goals for your retirement income, then creating a strategy and taking concrete steps to achieve them. It requires you to identify your sources of income, set up a savings plan, estimate your expenses during retirement, and plan for unforeseen events. Simple to digest there is this guide, edited by the RetireGuide people, emphasizing the importance to plan ahead and make your wishes to age, to be cared for, clear, and executable. Click here to read the guide.
Last but not least, as stated on Investopedia:
- “Estate planning is not only for the wealthy—everybody can benefit from ensuring their assets and finances are properly taken care of after their death…”
- Estate planning also involves giving permission to family members or an attorney to carry out your wishes if you become incapacitated while still alive ( a very important matter when caring for aging spouses or parents, especially on same-sex couples who have not attained yet legal status and institutions will not recognize their right to decide for their partners). Food for thought!
Preparing Your Home for Alzheimer’s: Tips and Advice for Caregivers
When caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease or other type of dementia, the safety around the home is a very important issue. Caregivers, here you can find some tips and advice in regards to keeping your home safe.
Some Facts About Alzheimer’s Disease
Today, about 5.4 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, with the majority of them being aged 65 or older. Safety at home is a very critical issue when caregiving for somebody with Alzheimer’s disease. Safe at Home is the key. Progressive Alzheimer’s disease makes it impossible for people with it to take care of themselves. Many of them require care 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In order to make that possible, many people with Alzheimer’s move into a loved one’s home for caregiving.
Alzheimer’s disease is a severe form of dementia associated with memory loss as well as the loss of other cognitive abilities. The symptoms can be serious enough to eventually interfere with daily life. If a person is experiencing Alzheimer’s, you may start to notice:
- Changes in personality and interests.
- Difficulty making decisions.
- Problems concentrating and general cognitive struggles.
- Long-term and short-term memory loss.
- Confusion with places, people, and timing.
- The inability to complete tasks that require sequential steps, such as getting dressed or making a meal.
Caregiving for a person with Alzheimer’s disease is not easy. It’s difficult to watch people you love deteriorate and grow unable to do even the simplest things they used to enjoy. However, taking in people with Alzheimer’s gives them the opportunity to spend the rest of their lives surrounded by the people who love them while enjoying comfort and care. In order to make your home as safe as possible for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, you’ll want to make a few preparations around the house.
Their Private Room: A Place to Escape
One of the utmost important things about caregiving for people with Alzheimer’s is preserving their dignity and showing them respect. Loved ones need a room of their own where they can have privacy and a place where they can escape the noise and confusion of outside. Their room should be safe, comfortable, and easy for them to move around in. Provide them with all the things they love whether it is a stereo for music, books, blankets, or a television. Remove hazardous decorations that can break or shatter upon impact. It’s also helpful to give them a room on the first floor near a bathroom for accessibility.
Bathroom & Kitchen Safety
The bathroom and kitchen are the most dangerous rooms in the house. If you are taking in Alzheimer’s patients for the long term, it may behoove you to accommodate these rooms for them with a remodel. To do this, you have to take cost into consideration. For instance, the average cost to remodel a kitchen is $19,589. There are several ways to modify your kitchen for safety. Considering the amount of dangerous tools and materials in the kitchen, locks on drawers and cabinets containing these things can prevent loved ones from hurting themselves. Some people also put locks on the refrigerator as the disease progresses. If the room contains steps or stairs, a safety ramp with rails to hold on to can help your loved one navigate the area safely.
When changing your bathroom, it’s important to make it accessible for loved ones while reducing hazards that can lead to a fall. Grab bars or side bars near the toilet and tub can help them get up and down safely and with ease. Label all water faucets clearly so they know which one controls hot and which controls cold. A scalding burn can be a devastating injury. Finally, make liberal use of non-slip mats, stools or chairs, and lighting.
If you are one of the millions of Americans who takes in loved ones suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, you’ll need to prepare your home to make a safe, comfortable environment. Providing them their own room is paramount; it’s important to respect their privacy and preserve their dignity. You may also want to consider making renovations or modifications in the kitchen and bathroom. These rooms are important but contain plenty of hazards you want to avoid.
Older’s American Month: Age Out Loud
Each May, the Administration for Community Living (ACL) leads our nation’s celebration of Older Americans Month (OAM). ACL designed the 2017 OAM theme, Age Out Loud, to give aging a new voice—one that reflects what today’s older adults have to say.
This theme shines a light on many important trends. More than ever before, older Americans are working longer, trying new things, and engaging in their communities. They’re taking charge, striving for wellness, focusing on independence, and advocating for themselves and others. What it means to age has changed, and OAM 2017 is a perfect opportunity to recognize and celebrate what getting older looks like today.
Marianne Gontarz York, portraits one of our older Americans who live and age out loud. She says on the Newsletter of the Marin County Commission on Aging “…There is no one I can think of who exemplifies this more than Barbara Borden… a 71 year old drummer [who] has lived her life out loud” Read More
Forbes published that according to the Administration on Aging (AoA), to Age Out Loud means “having the freedom to live with dignity, choice, and opportunities.” … and they comment on 10 Ways All Ages Can celebrate Older Americans.
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- Talk to older people everywhere. Find out what they have to say. Learn about their experiences. Interview people in your community who exemplify what it means to Age Out Loud. Gather a mix of individuals, such as older public servants, elder rights advocates, back-to-schoolers, moms and grandmas, athletes, authors, retired professional people who broke barriers or people trying new careers. Everyone has a story. Share your interviews through written pieces or videos.
- Arrange for older adults to share or read stories in a workshop or for a “Senior Day” at a local school. Find out about older adults reading books to children at a local library.
- Teachers and others, help local school students set up interviews with residents of a retirement community, assisted living community or nursing home, and write short biographies for a school assignment. Plan a program for wherein the students would read aloud their stories. Invite families of students and seniors and even the media to attend.
- Ask your older followers and friends on social media to share their wisdom, tips and stories online. You can use a unique hashtag or post to a page or forum you create or manage.
- Arrange a celebratory event with a community leader or keynote speaker from your community. Invite community members to a special event celebrating older Americans. It could be a sit-down meal, a networking gathering or a special program like a storytelling or talent show. Plan activities that will result in proceeds like those from a raffle, and donate the funds to a local charity or program or agency that supports older adults.
- Plan a volunteer event for older adults who want to give back. The purpose could be anything from picking up litter or gardening in public areas to collecting clothing and food donations for those in need. If you need ideas visit Serve.gov. If resources are available, create matching volunteer t-shirts that say “Age Out Loud!” This creates a sense of unity and raises awareness among those who see your group volunteering.
- Coordinate an education event like a resource fair, class, workshop or lecture a topic covered by this year’s theme. The gathering could hone in on self-expression with activities like painting, acting and singing or focus on maintaining health and independence with a yoga or strength training class. Nutrition tips can be added to any wellness event. Consider teaching a group about self-advocacy, technology or starting a new career.
- Help an older person gather family photos and make an album or scrapbook about their life and the legacy they will leave.
- Consider participating in a life review project such as The UMSL Life Review Project at the University of Missouri – at St. Louis, where Dr. Tom Meuser, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, applied gerontologist, and director of the University of Missouri-St. Louis’s Gerontology Graduate Program is recruiting older adults and their adult children in pairs to either be interviewed or complete questionnaires in support of his research. He will be recruiting through July 2017 and welcomes participants to contact him by email at meusert@umsl.edu to volunteer or learn more. The project flyer can be found at here. https://sites.google.com/a/umsl.edu/legacy-project/home.
- And finally, simply spend time with an older person, no matter what age you are. Chances are you can learn a lot from them and vice versa. Read the article
Ways for Seniors to Improve Mental and Physical Health
Easy Ways for Seniors to Stay Healthy
In a time where daily stress is almost a given, it’s important for us to take care of ourselves.
Seniors, especially, need to find healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety as well as ways to actively improve physical and mental well-being. Fortunately, there are many ways to do that, and most of them are more simple than you might think. Here are a few of the best.
Engage in daily exercise
Exercise is important for everyone, but for individuals over the age of 50, it’s imperative. Getting in at least thirty minutes of workout time every day will help improve your mood and overall health, and it might be a good way to socialize, as well. Start a walking group with friends or neighbors, or invite your spouse or coworker to a swim aerobics class. Having someone to talk to will make you look forward to working out rather than dreading it.
Consider a pet
If you don’t already have a pet, consider getting a dog or cat. Animals can help reduce anxiety and even lower blood pressure, and they are wonderful companions. Dogs are also great motivators on days when you don’t feel like exercising, because they’ll always be up for a walk!
Stay in touch
When life gets hectic, we sometimes forget to stay in touch with loved ones. Make it a point to sit down and write a letter to someone you care about, or give them a call. Set aside time on a specific day every week to do it so you’ll have no trouble remembering.
Eat well
Your diet can have a very specific impact on your health and how you feel, so make sure you’re not overloading on refined sugars and carbs, which can make you feel sluggish. Lots of leafy greens, fish, nuts, and fresh fruit will go a long way toward helping you feel better in every way.
Get some rest
You might think you’re getting enough sleep, but if you feel tired all day it’s possible you need to take another look at your habits. Are you lying awake for a long time at night? Taking long naps during the day? Try staying away from the television, computer, or smartphone for an hour or two before bedtime. Instead, read a book or take a long hot shower. Get yourself relaxed before bed to ensure you’ll sleep and feel rested when you get up.
Get creative
For retirees, especially, the days can seem long and uninspired. If you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, try a new hobby. Get creative and take up a painting class, or try gardening or woodworking. Allowing yourself to create things and try something new will open up a whole new world, and you may just find happiness there.
Staying active and keeping your mind healthy and alert will ensure you’ll be feeling good and ready to tackle anything, no matter what your age is.
Time to Continue the Fight
We know last night didn’t go as many of us planned. We’re upset.We’re disappointed. And we’re heartbroken. But we aren’t giving up. We’re going to keep fighting. President Obama reminded us this morning that the most important thing we can do is move forward. He told us that “we brush ourselves off, we get back in the arena, we go at it.”Kate Kendall from the National Commission For Lesbian Rights said: “… By a slim margin, this nation has elected a demagogue who trafficked in bigotry, stoked racist hatred and normalized misogyny. The election of Donald Trump as President threatens basic principles of human dignity and justice… Many of our most cherished values—inclusion, honoring difference, embracing equality, dismantling oppressive systems—are in jeopardy, but we will not be deterred.
Kendell continues stressing that “…This is the moment we are called to resist. We are about to be tested as never before, and speaking for myself, and NCLR, we will not stand down, sit idle or be silent in the face of oppression, bullying or threat…” Read More
Thinking of Dementia and Identity
Time goes by and I realized, I am getting old-er …although it is not a discovery, it is for sure, a daily fact. One that shows on the mirror more often than before. Always when thinking about getting older, given my line of work (gerontology, among others), I think: what if…what if I get dementia?
Most of us spend a big part of our life searching for meaning, trying to find our identity, and although Thomas Szasz said in The Second Sin (1973) said “…the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates…” we set ourselves for the pursuit of that elusive identity and our meaning as human beings. What is life all about and overall what is our role in life? What do we really live for? Who are we?
We pass many of our prime years looking for our identity, fighting for one, trying to assert one if we are ever given a glimpse of it, wrestling to have our needs met and to have our dreams come true. That search for identity comes sometimes in a puzzle of circumstances, challenges and exploits, and like the overprotected Nemo, we need to swim the oceans of uncertainty and grow until finding ourselves
Through the journey in search of our identity, we attempt to unfold our potential, our desires, and to adjust at the best of our abilities to the challenges of daily life. We build our life upon joys, shadows, and sorrows and fill that life with the mementos and the facts we carve in our memory, those we gathered throughout our journey but one-day, zas! You are diagnosed with dementia. There you are, all of the sudden lost, confused and soon to be stripped, if not of your identity, at least, officially, of your mind.
I know, hopefully, we all have been lost in our minds out of excitement, passion, or love and yet, after the diagnoses you will not be lost in your mind, anymore, since now, your are losing yours. Of course, we could discuss what really mind is, there is so much more to the mind than the cognitive aspect of it and yet for any purpose is THAT mind the one holding your memories, mementos, treasures, pains, and joys that is ready to go with the wind. Well in reality, with the plaques and tangles created in your brain, in a certain time you will not even remember the time of diagnosis. Just as Clark Gable stated while playing Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind, stated, you may well say: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn….” But he clock is ticking.
Professionals will offer all what they have. They talk and teach how to calm you down, how to deal with your mood swings and your challenging behaviors but do they really know what we are going through, what you are going through? Do they know that you are going through the tunnel, in and out of the darkness, the uncertainty with the challenge of living an existential tale of the here and now, for which, you did not sign up and for which, effectively you have never practiced. Then come the drugs, the optimism, the clinical trials, the walking to fund more research, hopefully before it is too late for you. Looking now for a different meaning. There is so much that is done, said, so much still to do and yet nobody really knows what you are going through.
We try and theorize about the phenomenon, the neurological, psychological, emotional, and practical side of it, even the spiritual side of it. Needless to say, we appreciate all the nice legitimate attempts people make writing new books about breakthrough treatments and findings; they present lectures, write articles about you but what if you could really explain how it is to know that your life is slipping away, fading away? What if you had a voice? What if they found a cure?
I wish I could be more helpful, but I really do not know how it is, all is in my best efforts to explain a phenomenon, I can only observe and witness with powerlessness, compassion and horror. I do not have dementia and I wonder if I had it how I would feel? What would it be like? Again, I do not know but if I could, if I were you, I would not like to go there. That said, I hope I would react calmly and with patience for myself, although I doubt it but let the journey continue and keep on swimming.
For now, I find some solace and motivation to keep ‘on swimming in Thoreau’s wisdom:
“…I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately… only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. ~Henry David Thoreau, 1854
LGBT Youth and Conversion Therapy
Conversion therapy or restorative therapies are, ethically and intrinsically, wrong when trying to change an individual’s sexual preference based on homophobia and extreme religious beliefs. These types of treatment have been a source of controversy in the United States and other countries. The American Psychiatric Association has condemned “psychiatric treatment, such as reparative or conversion therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per-se is a mental disorder thus the need to revert the “disease” by changing your sexual preference.The issue is more serious when it comes to youth since they do no have the legal right to oppose their parents’ decisions. Well, for now a victory!
Samantha Ames, Esq. Staff Attorney & Born Perfect Campaign Coordinator for NCLR just announced, moments ago, the District of Columbia Council unanimously approved a bill that will protect LGBT youth from conversion therapy. When signed into law, Washington, D.C. will become the third jurisdiction—behind California and New Jersey—to pass legislation protecting LGBT youth from ineffective and harmful practices designed to change their sexual orientation or gender identity. Counsel Ames, explains “… today, the Council sent a powerful message to LGBT youth and their families that they are accepted, supported, and loved. It has used its power to protect the most vulnerable from a dangerous pseudoscience that tells them that who they are is wrong, and reaffirmed the consensus of every major medical and mental health organization in the country that all children are born perfect, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Earlier this year, NCLR launched the Born Perfect campaign to end conversion therapy across the country over the next five years by passing laws, fighting in courtrooms to ensure the safety of LGBT youth, and raising awareness about the serious harms caused by these dangerous and discredited practices Their site explains that in the past” …In the past, some mental health professionals resorted to extreme measures such as institutionalization, castration, and electro-convulsive shock therapy to try to stop people from being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). Today, while some counselors still use physical treatments like aversive conditioning, the techniques most commonly used include a variety of behavioral, cognitive, psychoanalytic, and other practices that try to change or reduce same-sex attraction or alter a person’s gender identity…” Learn More about the Born Perfect Campaign.
Depression Hurts and Robs You of Your Life
Copyright by Piotr Marcinski
We have written about people dying of depression, which can be an ultimate fact for those who shut down and decided to go on a suicidal path, for those, that is the end. However for others, who go with untreated depression, death perhaps is not an option but a less than pleasant and meaningful life is. Having the blues or being sad after an important loss in your life, it is not depression but a normal and healthy response to events in life but when the blues become more purple than blue (so-to-speak), we are perhaps looking at a different situation.
Many myths regarding depression revolve around being stronger, like getting a grip on the particular situation one faces, or working harder to “get it out of your head…”or believing the prolonged sadness is just normal and not perhaps an illness; even thinking it is only one’s self-pity instead of a treatable condition add insult to an already deep and painful injury.
Sometimes, we are worry that treating the depression will mean being labeled as a mental patient, being on drugs forever, and seeing a therapist several times per week. Despite what the best seller “Prozac Nation” depicts (although some passages are right) about medication is only one of the tools used to lift depression. And looking for help does not mean you will be on psychotropic drugs forever. In fact, studies suggest that psychotherapy in any of its modalities (talking therapy, drama therapy, expressive arts, cognitive behavioral, deep brief oriented or others) work as well as prescription drugs to treat depression. Moreover, even if you are prescribed some drugs, chances are that it will not be a lifetime solution.
Feeling sad, hopeless, and helpless, is true, does not help to lift the by now purple instead of blues but do not fool yourself, the hopelessness is part of the illness, not a part of daily life and for sure not an unchangeable reality. When treated, positive thinking gradually replaces negative thoughts. In fact, most people (up-to 70% as by the National Institute of Mental Health) who seek for help to deal with their depression become symptom-free by combining medication and psychotherapy.
The bottom line is that if you have been feeling down and/or sad for what it seems to be too long, you should seek for help. Trying to diagnose yourself or going through the list of symptoms after a goggle search can confirm your suspicion but can mislead you as well. A reliable source on how to seek for help can be found on the WebMD or Psychology Today.
Whatever you do, remember you do not need to lose your mojo, being purple all the time, or miss out on all the fun and meaning of your life.
And the Wins for Marriage Equality Keep Coming!
NCLR (The National Center for Lesbian Rights) announced that the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 3-0 in favor of the freedom to marry—the t
hird federal court of appeals to issue such a ruling. Kate Kendall, NCLR Executive Director, says: “…That makes nearly 40 wins for marriage equality in the last year! Last week, we shared with you that we filed our brief asking the U.S. Supreme Court to hear the Utah case and end the patchwork of legal uncertainty that pervades the relationships of same-sex couples. We also told you of our exciting partnership with Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders Legal Director Gary Buseck and Civil Rights Project Director Mary Bonauto, who have joined our outstanding legal team.
Powerful briefs were filed yesterday with the Supreme Court urging the Court to decide this important constitutional question. The briefs represent the perspectives of families, businesses, and state governments, all urging the Court to strike down discriminatory state marriage laws and to end the untenable hodgepodge of laws which fail to give security and recognition to all couples. Kate thanks all involved and specially mentions the lawyers at NCLR, GLAD, Hogan Lovells, and NCLR lead counsel Peggy Tomisc of Magleby & Greenwood, for standing with NCLR in their tireless effort to win the freedom to marry for all. Read More